You know that feeling in the middle of the summer when you’ve exhausted your best friend by hanging out everyday, and the people you normally text are busy making memories? How it feels like you’re the only one not doing something with their life and you’ve become a disappointment?
It’s that feeling of nothing, like no one is listening and maybe just maybe if you’d tried harder you’d be the one skipping around with a group of friends at the beach instead of in your house on Tumblr?
That’s in essence what it feels like switching from public to homeschool, I’m drowning in silence some days. Sometimes the only people I talk to in a day is my mother and brother, other days I ride the bus just so I can strike up a conversation with the strange woman who’s taking up 3 seats. Everyone around me looks so happy, so why am I drowning?
It’s not like this is new either, I spent years in school hating people, feeling so mad that I couldn’t fit in thinking maybe just maybe if I dressed different, covered less, smiled more, worked harder, became the dream child, played sports, sang, played an instrument,
DAMN IT MAYBE IF I WASNT ME I’d be happy.
I’m not sure if I’m happy.
What I do know is when I visited my school recently it was a heavy blow, I don’t mean I took it hard that everything had gone on as usual I was horrified by the people I talked to. Everything I hate about high school came flying back, exams, stress, peer pressure, gossip, boys, having NO control and it made me so fucking mad.
I’m no better prepared to enter the adult world than any other teen but these people live in a fish bowl. They know the words
Did you hear what Alice did?
May I use the washroom?
no one outside of your cement block school gives a damn what Alice did and there isn’t going to be any teachers to ask to use the washroom in the real world.
You wonder why teens are so unprepared to enter University? Look in our schools, they give us a tiny amount of freedom but dare you step outside of the box? Punishment.
Guess what you don’t pass in work in the real world no one is going to be there to hold your hand or oversee your detention you WILL FAIL.
Don’t let anyone tell you any different.
Canada needs to get their shit together and teach teens to live, teens need to wonder and learn. They need to want to be alive all your schools and lessons are teaching us is how to turn into brain dead worker zombies.
You’re teaching us how to die.
From a Teenage Catastrophe who wants to learn, explore, and wonder, Elizabeth.